Suddenly the telephone rings. They've kidnapped Julia and you're expected to save her. Trouble is you only met Julia on a first date last night and although the goodnight kiss was very promising, you're afraid saving her from the kidnappers will look like too much of a commitment.
If you want to go and ask your parents if you can borrow fifty thousand dollars to pay the ransom, go to page 173.
If you want to have sex with your ex-girlfriend, consider getting back together with her, then think better of it, go to page 183.
You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero is narrated by 'You', i.e. every ambivalent thirty-something on the planet. Not so much a reluctant hero who proves his mettle, you're pathologically hesitant. You want to make choices and define your life but what if you get it wrong? What if you can't go back and do it over again?
Luckily, every chapter offers you a variety of chances to save the girl, to give up and run away or to make a Herculean effort to get back to doing nothing at all. By making choices about the fate of Julia, you will also find yourself re-evaluating your life in a way you've been trying to avoid since leaving school. It's your story. All you have to do is make a choice!
Bob Powers has been writing and performing comedy for ten years and has written for the Onion, and the New York Press. He is also the author of Happy Cruelty Day.show more