Untangling You

Untangling You : How can I be grateful when I feel so resentful?

4.44 (25 ratings by Goodreads)
By (author) 

Free delivery worldwide

Available. Expected delivery to the United States in 8-11 business days.

Not ordering to the United States? Click here.


A practical guide to untangling difficult relationships, letting go of resentment and ultimately leading a happier life.

No doubt you have experienced everyday resentment in your life: a sibling who appeared to be favoured by your parents; a partner who leaves you for another person; a neighbour who won t deal with their barking dog; a workmate who is promoted ahead of you the list goes on and on.

These everyday resentments can keep simmering away, robbing us of joy and wreaking havoc on our health, relationships and workplaces. But no matter how hard we try to let it go and be the bigger person , sometimes it s impossible to express gratitude toward someone who has wronged us.

Thousands of clinical studies have demonstrated the positive benefits of gratitude to our physical, emotional and social wellbeing, but according to award-winning gratitude educator Dr Kerry Howells, it s only when we experience the discomfort of not being able to find gratitude that a path opens for real growth and transformation.

Based on 25 years of ground-breaking research, Untangling You is the first book of its kind to discuss gratitude in terms of its conceptual opposite: resentment. Using practical strategies, tools and insights, this life-changing book will show you how to start to repair difficult relationships, improve your wellbeing, grow your resilience, and ultimately move from resentment towards deep gratitude to lead a happier and more fulfilling life.

Untangling You will help you on this journey, whether you are a leader, coach, parent, teacher, people manager, mentor, health professional, or just someone who wants to grow their character and self-efficacy.
show more

Product details

  • Paperback | 240 pages
  • 139 x 207 x 17mm | 240g
  • Highett, VIC, Australia
  • English
  • 1922611085
  • 9781922611086
  • 161,704

Review quote

'In this book, Kerry Howells tackles a perplexing issue that humans must face in social life, but which scholars and philosophers have understood poorly - how to disarm complicated feelings of resentment and replace them with gratitude. She deftly empowers readers not just with the skills to reframe difficult feelings of inferiority, of being unappreciated, being excluded or treated unfairly, but also with the skills of inviting gratitude, healing and growth back into their lives so that they can live a truly joyful and optimal life.'

Giacomo Bono, Associate Professor and gratitude researcher, California State University, and co-author of Making Grateful Kids: The Science of Building Character

'In normal human experience, resentment is the polar opposite of gratitude. Kerry Howells shows us that we are able, paradoxically, to locate and understand in the light of gratitude our own obstinate self-imprisonment in resentment. This is a wise and practical book, the fruit of decades of thoughtful research and experience. There are not many people who could rightly decide to do without it.'

Margaret Visser, author of The Gift of Thanks: The Roots and Rituals of Gratitude and The Rituals of Dinner

'It was such a pleasure to read this book. It is an innovative work which takes gratitude into a different sphere of depth and breadth, especially in terms of how it is intertwined with resentment. This has many therapeutic implications. Howells' book is nuanced, uplifting and a much-needed resource in current challenging times.'

Tayyab Rashid, PhD, clinical psychologist, University of Toronto Scarborough, and co-author of Strengths-Based Resilience: A Positive Psychology Program and Positive Psychotherapy: Clinician Manual

'A must-read for anybody who has dealt with conflict in their life, whether personal or professional. The reader will discover the often misunderstood power of gratitude and the role it can play in allowing us to lead a healthy and happier life.'

Sarah Bolt, Anti-Discrimination Commissioner, Equal Opportunity Tasmania

'Dr Kerry Howells has written a critically important book for us all. Her book takes the message she so cleverly crafted in her first book, Gratitude in Education: A Radical View, and mines ways to recognise how our lives and the lives of all with whom we relate can be enhanced through gratitude. I recommend all to read both this superb book and her first book, and then universally practise gratitude.'

John Hendry OAM, Co-founder of Positive Education and UNESCO facilitator on quality relationships

'Resentment can rear its head in so many places in elite sport, and yet there is so little understanding of how to address it effectively and healthily. These concepts, and this book, should form an essential part of coach and athlete development.'

Laurence Halsted, Performance Director, Danish Fencing Federation, two-time British Olympic fencer and author of Becoming a True Athlete: A Practical Philosophy for Flourishing Through Sport

'The concept of restoring joy of life and reducing friction in relationships is very refreshing. It has provided many positive changes in my personal and family life. It has also helped me improve the culture in my workplace. As a physiotherapist, I was able to recognise resentment as a big challenge in the lives of many of my patients. I believe the concepts of resentment and gratitude explored in this book will bring a new dimension to the treatment of many sufferers of chronic health conditions.'

Roy Daniell, MACP, pain and musculoskeletal physiotherapist
show more

About Dr Kerry Howells

Dr Kerry Howells is a thought leader, author, award-winning educator and experienced researcher who has spent over 25 years researching, teaching and practising gratitude. She has presented on the topic of gratitude to audiences around the world as a TEDx speaker and to the United Nations in New York, and is passionate about harnessing the role of gratitude to bring about flourishing relationships, a respectful workplace culture, and ultimately a more peaceful world. She lives in Hobart, Tasmania.
show more

Rating details

25 ratings
4.44 out of 5 stars
5 56% (14)
4 36% (9)
3 4% (1)
2 4% (1)
1 0% (0)
Book ratings by Goodreads
Goodreads is the world's largest site for readers with over 50 million reviews. We're featuring millions of their reader ratings on our book pages to help you find your new favourite book. Close X