The Dance of Connection
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The Dance of Connection : How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate

4.02 (1,927 ratings by Goodreads)
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Description

Bestselling author Harriet Lerner focuses on the challenge and the importance of being able to express one's "authentic voice" in intimate relationships.

The key problem in relationships, particularly over time, is that people begin to lose their voice. Despite decades of assertiveness training and lots of good advice about communicating with clarity, timing, and tact, women and men find that their greatest complaints in marriage and other intimate relationships are that they are not being heard, that they cannot affect the other person, that fights go nowhere, that conflict brings only pain. Although an intimate, long-term relationship offers the greatest possibilities for knowing the other person and being known, these relationships are also fertile ground for silence and frustration when it comes to articulating a true self. And yet giving voice to this self is at the center of having both a relationship and a self. Much as she did in THE MOTHER DANCE, Lerner will approach this rich subject with tales from her personal life and clinical work, inspiring and teaching readers to speak their own truths to the most important people in their lives.
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Product details

  • Paperback | 272 pages
  • 136 x 204 x 19mm | 195g
  • HarperCollins Publishers
  • New York, NY, United States
  • English
  • Reprint
  • 006095616X
  • 9780060956165
  • 91,846

Back cover copy

In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say) when: We need an apology, and the person who has harmed us won't apologize or be accountable. We don't know how to take a conversation to the next level when we feel desperate. We feel worn down by the other person's criticism, negativity, or irresponsible behavior. We have been rejected or cut off, and the other person won't show up for the conversation. We are struggling with staying or leaving, and we don't know our "bottom line." We are convinced that we've tried everything -- and nothing changes.

Filled with compelling personal stories and case examples, Lerner outlines bold new "voice lessons" that show us how to speak with honor and personal integrity, even when the other person behaves badly.

Whether we're dealing with a partner, parent, sister, or best friend, The Dance of Connection teaches us how to navigate our most important relationships with clarity, courage, and joyous conviction.
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Review quote

"I love Hariet Lerner's work."---Anne Lamott, author of Traveling Mercies
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Rating details

1,927 ratings
4.02 out of 5 stars
5 35% (665)
4 39% (742)
3 22% (430)
2 4% (74)
1 1% (16)
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