Sexual Intelligence

Sexual Intelligence : What We Really Want from Sex and How to Get It

3.93 (1,208 ratings by Goodreads)
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What do most people say they want from sex? After thirty years of working with couples, Dr. Marty Klein knows: Some combination of pleasure and closeness. But unfortunately, that's not what people think about during sex. Instead they worry about how they look, what their partner is thinking, what move they should attempt next. This constant self-monitoring takes all of the fun and closeness out of sex, and makes us feel like it is one more area where we have to perform. No wonder so many people stop doing it! In "Sexual Intelligence", Dr. Klein teaches us how to stop aiming for success and being normal and instead learn to care about two things: how does it feel, and does my partner enjoy this with me? It's a concept of sex that makes it impossible for people to fail, because we don't aim for success. In fact, he helps us realize that our desire to be normal is what keeps us from being our authentic sexual selves. In a groundbreaking exploration of the sexual mind, Dr. Klein explores the three components of Sexual Intelligence: The brain - information and knowledge; The heart - emotional skills; and, The body - body awareness and comfort.
"Sexual Intelligence" is the set of internal resources that allows you to relax, be present, communicate, respond to stimulation, and create physical and emotional connection with a partner. When you can do that, you'll have enjoyable sexual experiences regardless of what your body does, or doesn't, do. Rather than trying to fix any problems you may have with sex, by taking a step back and realizing all the baggage we bring into sex, we can learn to approach this area in our lives with awareness, openness, and renewed optimism.
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Product details

  • Hardback | 256 pages
  • 160 x 229 x 23mm | 404g
  • Harperone
  • New York, United States
  • English
  • 0062026062
  • 9780062026064
  • 609,113

Back cover copy

Enjoyable sex: it's not about technique or a perfect body or being hopelessly, passionately in love. It's about Sexual Intelligence.

In his three decades of working with couples and individuals as a sex therapist and marriage counselor, Dr. Marty Klein has continually seen that although most people say what they want from sex is pleasure and closeness, that's not what they focus on during sex. Instead, we're preoccupied with how we look, what our partner is thinking, how we're performing, and whether we're "normal." We do more thinking, worrying, and judging than experiencing. Sex like that can't thrill us, can't create intimacy, and can't, well, feel sexy.

In Sexual Intelligence, Klein shows how to stop observing ourselves during sex, ending our obsession with sexual performance and sexual normality. "I don't help people 'function' better during sex," he says. "I teach people how to relax and enjoy sex with the body they have, the partner they have, in the situation they have." Now that's something we all want: fulfilling, exciting sex at every stage of our lives.

In Sexual Intelligence, Klein challenges our understanding of sex, love, intimacy, romance, and satisfaction. After all, sex isn't just an activity. Change the way you think about sex, and you can change your sex life--forever.
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Review quote

"Marty Klein is the Steve Jobs of sex advice. With beguiling ease, he takes complex issues and distills them down to their essence. Sexual Intelligence is a work of enormous wisdom and expansiveness, and will inspire readers, regardless of age, to realize their full sexual potential." -- Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First "Marty Klein's is a calm voice of reason at the center of the storm raging around sex in America. His tolerant, informed approach to the unavoidable sexual difficulties we all face is a welcome antidote to the panic and ignorance clouding public discussion and private understanding." -- Christopher Ryan, Ph.D., co-author of Sex at Dawn "Sexual Intelligence will help you fire the sex cops who have set up roadblocks in your head, and replace them with some good ideas to ponder and put into action. Dr.Klein has truly given us a helpful guide to authentic sexual satisfaction." -- Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger and Marriage Rules "If you read only one book on sex and relationships during your entire lifetime, this should be it. Dr. Klein confronts the problems that have plagued couples since the beginning of time with refreshingly simple and brilliant insight." -- Paul Joannides, Psy.D., author of Guide to Getting It On "Instead of a manual of better tricks, this book is a practical plan to improve your relationship with your sexuality. Klein liberates and provokes--and illuminates the way to change your sexual experience for good." -- Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity "Read this if you want to let go of your inhibitions and improve your sex life. You might have to change your mind-set first, but Klein's advice, quizzes, diagrams, and case studies will help you do just that." -- Psychology Today "Klein is comforting and permission-giving, while presenting boundaries that you can discuss with a partner if you have concerns. This is an easy to read, smart book with loads of information and advice. Sexual Intelligence is an important contribution to the field and to the reader." -- Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., sex/relationship expert, AARP; chief relationship expert,
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About Marty Klein

Marty Klein, Ph.D., has been a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist for thirty years. A former adjunct instructor at Stanford University Medical School, Marty is the award-winning author of seven books. Marty's humor, insights, and down-to-earth approach are regularly featured in the national media, such as the New York Times, The New Yorker, Nightline, NPR, and The Huffington Post.
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Rating details

1,208 ratings
3.93 out of 5 stars
5 29% (355)
4 42% (511)
3 21% (254)
2 6% (75)
1 1% (13)
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