The Lost Art of Listening
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The Lost Art of Listening : How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships

4.12 (400 ratings on Goodreads)
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Description

One person talks; the other listens. It's so basic that we take it for granted. Unfortunately, most of us think of ourselves as better listeners than we actually are. Why do we so often fail to connect when speaking with family members, romantic partners, colleagues, or friends? How do emotional reactions get in the way of real communication? This thoughtful, witty, and empathic book has already helped over 125,000 readers break through conflicts and transform their personal and professional relationships. Experienced therapist Mike Nichols provides vivid examples, easy-to-learn techniques, and practical exercises for becoming a better listener--and making yourself heard and understood, even in difficult situations.show more

Product details

  • Paperback | 314 pages
  • 152.4 x 226.06 x 22.86mm | 408.23g
  • Guilford Publications
  • New York, United States
  • English
  • Revised
  • 2nd Revised edition
  • 1593859864
  • 9781593859862
  • 53,633

Review quote

"This book is worthy of reading and rereading, if only to remind yourself of its simple message to stop what you're doing and listen to the important people in your life. It has spoken to me at different times, helping me to improve relationships with my spouse, child, and friends."--Doug O., Walnut Creek, California "Lily Tomlin once advised that we 'listen with an intensity that most people save for talking.' The Lost Art of Listening tells us how. This is a very special book that distills years of clinical wisdom into practical advice about improving our most important relationships and, ultimately, who we are. Through the lens of the importance to us all of being heard, Dr. Nichols tells us how genuine listening can prevent broken connections and dried up relationships. Following his own advice, he presents clear, familiar, and relevant examples of real-life family problems and frustrations, in a way that leaves us open to accepting and using his messages. He stresses the need to avoid letting anger, anxiety, and fear of being hurt impede our ability to listen, and tells stories that show us how to manage everything from criticism to reticence and intrusiveness. Simultaneously, he provides clues for improving self esteem and decreasing emotional reactivity. This is more than a good book; it is a vital manual for any of us who would either like to feel good about our relationships or avoid dying before the end of our lives."--Carol M. Anderson, MSW, PhD, Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania "A beautifully written, articulate guide to listening, this book is an antidote to the sense of diminishment experienced by so many as our culture short-circuits our need for interchange with others. Using personal stories from his life and the lives of patients, Dr. Nichols offers clarification of the listening process between friends, with family, in work situations, and in intimate relationships. The Lost Art of Listening is a pleasure to read and a valuable tool for therapists."--Marion F. Solomon, PhD, author of Narcissism and Intimacy "Dr. Nichols writes as if he is speaking directly to us--and he speaks in a way that makes us not only able, but eager, to listen. What happens between him and his readers embodies key elements of what he wants us to learn about listening. Along the way, we learn about much more."--Thelma Jean Goodrich, PhD, Family Institute of Westchester "I use this book in teaching first-semester graduate students counseling micro-skills. The students endorse it as the best of the texts I use. The Lost Art of Listening uses pragmatic examples from real life to illustrate active listening. This approach makes the material come alive for students who are just learning active listening, and is a great refresher for those who are already familiar with it. In addition, I often recommend the book to couples I see in my private practice."--Iverson M. Eicken, PhD, Adjunct Instructor, Department of Counseling, California State University, Fullertonshow more

About Michael P. Nichols

Michael P. Nichols, PhD, Professor of Psychology at the College of William and Mary, is the author of Stop Arguing with Your Kids, among numerous other books. He is a well-known therapist and a popular speaker.show more

Table of contents

Introduction I. The Yearning to Be Understood 1. "Did You Hear What I Said?": Why Listening Is So Important 2. "Thanks for Listening": How Listening Shapes Us and Connects Us to Each Other 3. "Why Don't People Listen?": How Communication Breaks Down II. The Real Reasons People Don't Listen 4. "When Is It My Turn?"?The Heart of Listening: The Struggle to Suspend Our Own Needs 5. "You Hear Only What You Want to Hear": How Hidden Assumptions Prejudice Listening 6. "Why Do You Always Overreact?!": How Emotionality Makes Us Defensive III. Getting Through to Each Other 7. "Take Your Time?I'm Listening": How to Let Go of Your Own Needs and Listen 8. "I Never Knew You Felt That Way": Empathy Begins with Openness 9. "I Can See This Is Really Upsetting You": How to Defuse Emotional Reactivity IV. Listening in Context 10. "We Never Talk Anymore": Listening Between Intimate Partners 11. "Nobody around Here Ever Listens to Me!": How to Listen and Be Heard within the Family 12. From "Do I Have To?" to "That's Not Fair!": Listening to Children and Teenagers 13. "I Knew You'd Understand": Being Able to Hear Friends and Colleagues Epilogueshow more
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