Is It You or is It Me?

Is It You or is It Me? : Why Couples Play the Blame Game

3.71 (14 ratings by Goodreads)
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Description

In this provocative new look at romantic relationships, psychologist Scott Wetzler explores the widespread phenomenon of misplaced anger that seems to define couple dynamics in the 1990s. He finds a wary, secretive, and combative atmosphere clouding relationships. Partners are feeling hurt and bruised by the very people with whom they are most vulnerable. In desperation and puzzlement, they are asking, "Who's at fault here? Is it you or is it me?" What seems to be driving this "inside-out" dynamic, says Dr. Wetzler, is our increasing inability to tolerate the uncomfortable feelings that intimacy arouses--anger, anxiety, frustration, disappointment, or self-doubt. We have become utterly cynical about love and find it easier to hold our partners responsible for our psychological frailties than to own up to and work through the confusing emotions that inevitably accompany falling and being in love. Written in a strong narrative style with illuminating case examples throughout, here is a book of relationship advice for grownups.
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Product details

  • Paperback | 276 pages
  • 127 x 198.12 x 17.78mm | 294.83g
  • New York, NY, United States
  • English
  • Illustrations, black and white
  • 0060930292
  • 9780060930295
  • 1,172,529

Back cover copy

In this provocative new look at romantic relationships, psychologist Scott Wetzler explores the widespread phenomenon of misplaced anger that seems to define couples dynamics in the 1990s. Partners are feeling hurt and bruised by the very people with whom they are most vulnerable. In desperation and puzzlement, they are asking, "Who's at fault here? Is it you or is it me?"What seems to be driving this "inside-out" dynamic, says Wetzler, is our increasing inability to tolerate the uncomfortable feelings that intimacy arouses -- anger, anxiety, frustration, disappointment, or self-doubt. We have become utterly cynical about love and find it easier to hold our partners responsible for our psychological frailties than to own up to and work through the confusing emotions that inevitably accompany falling and being in love.Written in a strong narrative style with illuminating cases throughout, here is a book of relationship advice for grown-ups.
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Review quote

"It's all too easy for couples to get into the Blame Game, but once in the game, how do you get out of it? In the wonderfully written "Is It You or Is It Me?" authors Scott Wetzler, Ph.D., and Diane Cole have some surprising and remarkably helpful answers to offer."-- Maggie Scarf, author of "Intimate Worlds""This is an incisive, perceptive, and original book written by a master clinician who appreciates the nuances of romantic relationships and human emotions."-- T. Byram Karasu, M.D., psychiatrist-in-chief, Montefiore Medical Center
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Rating details

14 ratings
3.71 out of 5 stars
5 29% (4)
4 21% (3)
3 43% (6)
2 7% (1)
1 0% (0)
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