If I'm So Wonderful Why am I Still Single?
- Hardback | 288 pages
- 138 x 216 x 28mm | 539.99g
- 14 Feb 1989
- HarperCollins Publishers
- London, United Kingdom
- tables, 11line drawings, notes, bibliog
Behold a wonder - a romantic self-help book that is intelligent, upbeat, practical, useful, winning, and even wise, by a feminist former director of women's programs at U.C. Berkeley and a leader of singles workshops. Page's program for those she calls "involuntary singles" is simple. She advises 1) that you discover whether you want to be single, and, if not, deal with whatever ambivalence you subconsciously feel about giving up freedom for love, taking time out from your career, etc.; 2) forget dire statistics and discouraging reports; 3) set yourself specific, businesslike tasks for meeting new people likely to please you; 4) keep your standards very high, and be ruthless in eliminating potential partners who don't meet them; 5) learn how to eliminate also-rans, including old lovers to whom you can't quite bring yourself (or can't bring them) to make a commitment; 6) stop being satisfied with "pseudo-intimacy," that contemporary singles' time-saving snake oil; 7) avoid "commitmentphobes," even when it means asking direct (and embarrassing) questions; 8) increase your self-esteem to avoid wanting to make someone inappropriate love you; 9) learn to say "yes" to Mr. or Ms. Right; 10) work on your flaws and foibles, not in order to earn love but so that you can root out behavior counterproductive to your vision of the shared good life. What all this boils down to is the power of positive thinking in a single-minded pursuit of love and intimacy; but what makes it helpful and at times inspiring is an acknowledgement that romance takes place (or doesn't) in a larger context that includes "a social preoccupation with money and business success" that competes, to some degree, with activities and qualities necessary for love, and a truly upbeat conviction that love is worth the fuss. A self-help book - with convincing case studies, useful exercises, guides, appendices - that doesn't condescend to its readers as walking examples of pathology. First-rate of its kind. (Kirkus Reviews)