Ever Heard This?

Ever Heard This?

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Excerpt: ..."I did, your Honour." "And what did he say?" "He told me to go to the devil." "And what did you say then?" "Why, then I came to you." "SOMEWHERE" A lady who gave herself great airs of importance, on being introduced to a gentleman for the first time, said, with much cool indifference, "I think, sir, I have seen you somewhere." "Very likely," replied the gentleman, "you may, ma'am, as I have often been there." THE SCOTSMAN AND THE JOKE An Englishman and a Scotsman were on a walking tour in the Highlands when they came to a signpost which said, "Five miles to Stronachlachar." Underneath this was written, "If you cannot read inquire at the baker's." The Englishman laughed heartily when he read it, but refused to tell the Scotsman the joke. That night the Englishman was surprised at being woke up by his companion, who seemed much amused at something. Asking the reason, the Scotsman replied, "Och, mon, I hae just seen the joke--the baker might not be in." WAR AND TAXES Shortly after the commencement of the Peninsular War, a tax was laid on candles, which, as a political economist would prove, made them dearer. A Scotch wife in Greenock remarked to her chandler, Paddy Macbeth, that the price was raised, and asked why? "It's a' awin' to the war," said Paddy. "The war!" said the astonished matron. "Gracious me! are they gaun to fecht by candlelicht?" A MODERN ALFRED A woman gave her little child a cloth to warm while she was otherwise busied. The child held it to the fire, but so near that it changed colour presently, and began to look like tinder; upon which the child called to its mother, "Mamma, is it done enough when it looks brown?" CHARITY ON CREDIT A certain rich laird in Fife, whose weekly contribution to the church collection never exceeded one penny, one day, by mistake, dropped into the plate at the door a five-shilling piece; but discovering his error before he was seated in his pew, hurried back, and was about to replace the coin by his...
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Product details

  • Paperback
  • 189 x 246 x 1mm | 68g
  • English
  • Illustrations, black and white
  • 1236708849
  • 9781236708847