Champagne Jackson Kicks Zombie Ass
'Champagne Jackson Kicks Zombie Ass' Blends Horror, Comedy and Action in an Awesome Adventure. It's Apocalypse Time, supernatural stuff is going down and there really is no more room in hell. Our feisty heroine, Champagne Jackson kicks a lot of zombie ass, strings together some choice profanities and learns how to survive the horrors of a world gone mad. She has Marine Sergeant Mike Wilkins along, together with two resourceful Hispanic children, so if they work together, maybe, just maybe, the zombie horde won't know what's hit it. Of course, if the walking dead don't kill you, the living will. There's The Gravedigger Crew, a powerful black gang run by the man mountain known as Tiny Tyler, together with his lieutenant, Lord Slice, a killer midget, who's deadly with any edged weapon. Plus there's the Marauders, a vicious white supremacist outfit who are on the rampage through the new urban wasteland and taking no prisoners. And last, but not least, there's a tough Chicano mob, The Death Dealers, headed by a smart and ruthless leader. Let's just say that racial tensions are running a little high and that the suspense really is killing people. Although they do have a nasty tendency to come back again. The dead don't seem to realize that life is for the living. Can our heroes escape this 3-way gang war and make it out of the big, bad city alive, relatively free of bullet holes and, of course, devoid of zombie bite marks? More to the point, can Champagne Jackson make it through the apocalypse free of hickeys? The diminutive Lord Slice likes his ladies big and round and sassy, just like her. He has his beady, psychopathic eye on both her and her oversized booty. There's some twisted romance in the air alright, but Champagne Jackson is nobody's fool and she has a right hook that could fell a buffalo. Yeah, nobody said that life after the Eboflu virus went pandemic was going to be easy, but does post-apocalyptic survival have to be such a total bitch? And remember folks, the only good zombie is a dead zombie. And I mean really dead, a bullet through the head, leaking its little brain, all the way down the drain. BETTER DEAD THAN ZED! DEZOMBIFY! Caution. This book contains strong, sustained, bloody violence and a whole mess of cuss words. If that's not your bag, then this is not for you. If it is, then man, have we got some crazy ass shit lined up for you! Here's Why You Should Read This Book. It comes fully equipped with: crisp, witty dialogue that snaps like a whip, crackles like fire and pops right off the page. It has a ballsy, turbo-charged plot that brims with suspense, intrigue and surprises. The heroine has heart, soul and more attitude than she's got booty and her butt, as we mentioned is pretty big. It's an electrifying horror tale, well told. You'll discover a nightmare world populated with criminals, psychopaths, murderers and the living dead; it's worse than bingo night in No Hope, Alabama. It's packed with action and the climax really delivers. You'll take a wild and thrilling roller coaster ride through a terrifying landscape. It's a gritty, hard-hitting story of the supernatural that's gore soaked and laced with dark humor. This novel was immense fun to write. It started as a short story, but Champagne Jackson was just too irrepressible to be contained. The story snowballed and a rogue's gallery of weird and wonderful characters insisted on taking the journey with her. Why don't you join them? This is an apocalyptic horror novel with added bite. Entertainment is guaranteed.
- Paperback | 260 pages
- 152.4 x 228.6 x 14.99mm | 458.13g
- 12 Jan 2015
- United States
- black & white illustrations
About F a Tallahassee
F.A. Tallahassee, or Furry Armpits Tallahassee, also known as the Florida Ape-Man is renowned for the extreme verdancy of his underarm hair. Among residents of Yeehaw Junction, (formerly Jackass Junction), the hirsuteness of his pit tufts is the stuff of legend. Or at the very least the odd passing remark. This hair is as orange as an orangutan's and coarser than the wire wool you'd find sprouting from a wild boar's ass. At a recent church fundraiser for Reverend Doogoody's new outhouse, he allowed himself to be strung up by twin ropes formed of braided armpit hair. He stalwartly bore the agony of this endeavor for a full ten seconds before commencing to bawl like a startled babe and begging to be cut down. Appropriately enough, the first words out of his mouth were, 'Holy shit!' He was told to man up and shut up and was gagged with the loose ends of his flowing pit locks, so as not to ruin proceedings for the rest of the community or despoil the ears of the young ones with his unchristian cussing and carrying on. When not bawling his eyes out and generally acting like a sissy, he enjoys bad movies, thrilling fiction, fast food and loose women. In fact all of those adjectives can be applied to the kind of women he likes, but who are thin on the ground in Yeehaw Junction. Excepting Cindy Hot stuff Henderson, who looks like she was hit in the face by a shovel and then trampled by a horse and run over by the plowshare it was dragging. Oh and sometimes old F.A. Tallahassee? Well, he writes a little bit too. If you can call it that. Probably with his toes.